I Should Have Let This Blog Die... A Funny Story in Two Acts

I was happy to have let this blog die. There just isn't enough time or spoons in the day for me to pay enough attention to this blog to make it a blog worth blogging. Much like the dozens of other stalled out projects that I have, this too has succumbed to a cascade of environmental and health circumstances well outside of my control.

But, there's this one story that I think is kinda funny, and I want it written down somewhere where I can share it. And I think now is the right time to share it. I've had a shift in my career track (more like a serpentine), and a renewed friendship with a fellow IT professional has kind of re-ignited my passion for IT.

Background 

I used to work for a managed service provider with customers from different industries and of all different sizes and with different service agreements. I quickly rose through the ranks to being in charge of the tech support staff.

One of our larger sized clients was a vocational high school. And every summer, they had a two week "summer camp" where parents would spend big bucks to have their elementary school or middle school aged students take some classes on  animation or engineering or whatever. And evidently some people at that client were not happy about how things went down as far as my company was concerned. So I got involved with helping the person running that account figure out what to do differently the next time around.

A few months later, due to staffing issues, I end up taking over that account in addition to everything else that I was doing, and it became evident that there really wasn't anything that we had done wrong - there were some personal vendettas against my company. Okay. Whatever. I'll do the best job that I can, and at the same time, try and make the experience as enjoyable as possible. And because we were all aware that this was happening, we made sure that we had extra people on hand to put out any fires, or alleged fires, that might come up.

One such sore topic was bandwidth. We had a 100mbps upload and download speed, and some how, with a fraction of the building in use, this was allegedly entirely used up at one point, making all of the computers "useless". Yeah sure, that's totally believable.

Act One

Never the less, we were pretty sensitive to bandwidth issues. So, when we started getting a bandwidth alert, and looked at the giant line graph on the big screen on the wall, and saw it creeping up towards 100%, we let out a collective "Oh shit!"

I tracked it down to a specific IP address, which correlated to a specific VLAN, which correlated to a specific classroom. I also looked up the reverse DNS to get the hostname, which not only indicated the classroom, but the specific computer. I used PSEXEC and NirCmd to print a screenshot of the screen to show that it was not school related stuff on the screen.

Now, you might be asking yourself "What are you gonna do with that information, Tony? Are you gonna bust in there all 'New sheriff In Town' style and kick that kid out of summer camp?" No! Of course not! The year prior, it was made clear, in no uncertain terms, that the last thing that we could have happen was parents asking for refunds. My plan was to go in there, quietly get the teacher's attention, explain that a particular student was doing something that wasn't part of the lesson plan, and that this was making it difficult for other classes and the front office to get any work done. I was going to politely ask her to ask him to stay on task.

I had previously worked in some quasi-rent-a-cop-armed-guard capacities in the past, and I kinda feel like that helped me to really hone my ability to know when you want to handle things with subtlety instead of force.

And that's what I did. Except....

The problem was that I didn't realize that two of my co-workers were following me because they were pissed! So, if you don't know, then, like now, I am a six foot tall 300 pound gorilla looking guy, and one of the two co-workers that was following me makes me look small. So when the three of us busted in there, the student in question turned around with a look on his face like "OH SHIT! I'M BUSTED!" He was in pure panic. I felt bad. But it was kinda funny too.

Still, I didn't want this to be a big deal, so I politely interrupted the instructor, and just kindly asked her to ask him to stay on task so that it doesn't interfere with literally everyone else in the building.

Now, as soon as I walked in the room, without even having to confirm "yep, this says workstation number six, and that's the first computer in the sixth row", I knew that was the student, because no one else turned around with a case of the oh-shits. But the two guys behind me started counting. Pointing, and counting. This really threw that kid into a tizzy. He looked at the screen of the student next to him, and decided "Well, I had better just copy whatever he's doing", so he opens up Microsoft Paint and starts drawing what the kid next to him had drawn.

Microsoft Paint wasn't a part of the lesson plan. Kid just copied off of the one person in the class that he didn't want to copy off of.

That was pretty much the end of it that summer. After the camps ended, there was the standard "de-briefing", where some things were blamed on us that had nothing to do with IT and then let go, and some things that were IT related were blamed on us, but once the powers that be realized that those things weren't our fault, and we actually fixed those things, making everything better, that was let go too. And finally, one teacher had complained that three of us had burst into her classroom and alleged that one student was wrecking the entire internet connection for the school.

"Is that true, Tony?" asked the dickhead administrator asking me the questions.

"Yes." I replied flatly. "Although I wouldn't say that I had 'burst' into the classroom. That would be rude."

Act Two


A year goes by. I'm a little older. A little wiser. A little fatter. A whole lot cockier.

Summer camps... bandwidth issue. Son of a gun.

I'm working with extra manpower again, but it's a different group of guys. Actually, it was two of our top guys that we had at the time backing me up, because summer camps are really important to that customer.

Same thing happens. Once computer is sucking up all (or at least a lot of) the bandwidth. Some little smarty pants got around the filtering (it wasn't Area 51 style web security - the customer didn't allow us to be really strict), and was playing a bandwidth intensive game.

"Should we go tell the teacher? Get the kid kicked out?" "Should we disable his Internet access?" "Should we lock his workstation?"

All good ideas, but I had something better in mind. Those solutions were all fighting the enemy head on. I didn't like that. I had just finished reading Sun Tzu's The Art of War for like the third time, and I wanted to re-direct my enemy's momentum into a direction that would be beneficial to me. And thanks to Intro to Human Psychology like a decade ago, I knew that all I had to do was disincentivise playing that game.

This classroom happened to be one that had security cameras installed (there were some areas with, and some without. They weren't hidden or anything like that. They were mostly used for when kids got into fights and stuff like that). So, I told my cohorts to gather 'round my desk. I pulled up the security camera, which was to this students back, to see what was on the screen. It was a little blurry, and I wanted a better view, but if I used the remote-support app we had in the district, it would pop-up all kinds of windows. This would alert the student to our watching, and perhaps lead into a cat-and-mouse conflict. I didn't want conflict, though, remember? Instead of stopping the student from goofing off, I wanted to convince the student to not want to goof off.

So, naturally, I opened up PDQ-Deploy, and sent a pre-packaged silent self-installer to install a VNC server (PLEASE NOTE: VNC BAD! I rarely use VNC, and when I do, the service only exists on a machine for as long as I'm using it, and the connection is restricted by password, and to only specified IP addresses - not full proof, but probably in some ways safer than that fancy remote-support app you shelled out big bucks for). 

Now I could see everything on this student's screen, as well as the classroom itself. The bandwidth intensive game was being run in Microsoft Edge. Okay, now we are getting somewhere!

I open up command prompt and here's was I typed:

psexec \\computername12345 taskkill /f /im edge.exe

And then I hit enter. A moment later, the student's screen no longer had a game on it, but the coursework. And, lo and behold, bandwidth returned to normal. All was right with the world. Except, now, the student opened up Edge again. He went to the website. He signed in. He selected the game. He hit start. Some graphics loaded. He skipped a cut-scene, and as he and some other students leaned in closer, a progress bar appeared, numbers in blood red below it growing from 0% upwards. The air in that section of classroom was vibrating with excitement. It's almost ready! Here we go!...

As soon as it reached 100%, I pressed the up arrow on my keyboard, and then the enter key. Three students flopped back in their chairs as Microsoft Edge crashed. Again.

This happened at least two more times.

So, student wants to play bandwidth intensive game. This game is fun. That makes the student feel good. The student wants to show off his skills in front of the other students. That makes the student feel good as well. Now, using classical conditioning, I've modified that person's behavior. Student loads game. Game Fails. Other students doubt whether the first student was able to get it to run in the first-place, and therefor question the first student's claims at being good at the game. This makes that student feel bad.  Loading Microsoft Edge to play that game makes the student feel bad. Student no longer wants to play the game.

It took me all of five or ten minutes, I didn't have to get out of my seat, no teacher can complain about the class being disrupted, and what's the student gonna do? File a complaint because the computer wouldn't let him goof off? The computer wouldn't let him waste his parent's money?

I got some high fives that day. And when you're a nerd like me, high fives are fucking awesome.

The Abridged SciFi List: TV Edition

This is The Abridged SciFi List: TV Edition.
Each has a photo and a ten second synopsis. The photos are just pictures of the main character cast - basically the worst photos I could have chose for this sort of thing - because frak you that's why.

Star Trek 

A western based in outer-space
Alien of the week
Space Madness
Energy beings
Time travel out the wazoo

---

Star Trek: The Next Generation

A western based in outer-space but with tree hugging and friendship for communism
Alien of the week
Space Madness
Energy beings
Sometimes some science stuff, gadget stuff
FREAKING SPACE ZOMBIES
(Star Trek fictional universe)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Drama based in outer-space
Alien of the week
Space Madness
Energy beings
Sometimes some science stuff, gadget stuff, religious overtones  

Politics based on World War II

FREAKING SPACE ZOMBIES

(Star Trek fictional universe) 

Star Trek: Voyager

Gilligan's Island based in outer-space

Alien of the week
Space Madness
Sometimes some science stuff, gadget stuff
FREAKING SPACE ZOMBIES
(Star Trek fictional universe)

Star Trek: Enterprise

A western based in outer-space but with time travel out the wazoo
Tried so hard
Got so far
But in the end, it didn't even matter
Gadgets and stuff
References to other Star Treks
FREAKING SPACE ZOMBIES

Babylon 5

Kinda like if Deep Space Nine and The X-Files had a baby, but it came first
There's not really a huge rift between Star Trek and Star Wars fans like everyone who isn't a nerd wants there to be, but damn Babylon 5 fans used to strait up murder Star Trek fans like Bloods and Crips in a lock-in at the community center.

Alien Nation

Police procedural
Aliens come to Earth and are regular butt heads like everyone else.
They're all bald and speckled and get drunk off of milk.

Space: Above and Beyond

I'm not really sure - it's like space battles and aliens and stuff and it's pretty good and I wish they would bring it back but not as a reboot because I hate those just keep the old story and add on to it dammit stop re-hashing stuff and write!

The X-Files

Monster of the week and/or government conspiracies, in that order.
(X-Files fictional universe)

Millennium

Crime procedural
The X-Files Jr. Government conspiracies and/or monster of the week, in that order.
(X-Files fictional universe)

The Lone Gunman

I think that there was some computer hacking and conspiracy stuff
(X-Files fictional universe)

Freaky Links

Really wanted to be The X-Files.
People investigated creepy stuff
(X-Files fictional universe)

Harsh Realm

There was like a government virtual reality thing that broke and went crazy and some people gt stuck in there and that's about it
(X-Files fictional universe)

Earth: Final Conflict

Aliens come to Earth and claim that they wanna be friends
There's some conspiracy stuff and general action shootout stuff but with sometimes aliens and sometimes monster of the week.
The Roddenberry are responsible for this, but it's not in the Star Trek fictional universe

Farscape

If The X-Files and Star Trek had a baby
Pretty good

Stargate: SG1

Claims to be based on the movie
Lots of action, decent story arc
Alien of the week sometimes
Conspiracy stuff sometimes
Star Trek actors sometimes
Kinda like Star Trek in that they go to other planets
References to MacGyver in the blooper reels
(Stargate fictional universe)
"Aim High"

Stargate: Atlantis 

Like Stargate: SG1 if it was all nerds















Not a TV show, but I'm putting this here anyway. I'll do one for each episode if I ever do part two of this list.

The Star Wars Franchise

A conglomeration of Samurai stories, pirate stories, The Godfather, and Lord of the Rings, set in space, with swords that are like lasers for some reason. Also, space combat and a big "ultimate power" weapon, so basically World War II
(Star Trek fictional universe - and I can prove it, so suck it!)

Coping with the I.T. Department

Do you get along with your I.T. Department? I'm spending my 9 to 5 these days as a supervising network engineer. Maybe reading this will take some stress away from your day when you have a computer problem, and have to reach out to the I.T. Department.

Here are some things to consider:

First, the computer: 
For many people, when they see a computer, something in their brain shuts off. I'm talking about intelligent people who know how to behave around a computer, or can learn how to behave around a computer, but some Pavlovian prank occurs in their brain that prevents them from doing so. So what can we do about this?

Picture, if you will, a VCR. (If you're too young to know what a VCR is, or remember having one in your home, you're probably not who this section is intended for. If you'd like to follow along anyway, picture a DVD player instead. Didn't have a DVD player? How about a Wii U, Xbox One, or PS4? A Television? A microwave?) The VCR sat on top of your television set (that's the fat kind, not the flat kind) plugged in to the wall for electricity, and the TV to get it's signal onto your screen. The VCR got its signal from either an antenna inside or outside, or cable, or a satellite dish, so it was plugged into probably another box or another spot on the wall. As long as all of the cords were plugged in and not faulty, and there was electricity, and your TV was on the right channel, you would at least get a picture on your screen. Want to watch a movie? Pop a tape in there and hit play. Life is good.

But that's a lot of conditions already just for a VCR, isn't it? Power in, signal in, signal out, TV/VCR mode, tuner mode, power to the TV, TV channel, the tape itself, tracking, did you hit play?

Suddenly, the VCR seems pretty complicated - but it didn't seem that way when you were recording Magnum P.I., did it? Sadly, the majority of problems are caused by things not being plugged in. But that's not really even what important. Here's what's important. You wouldn't kick your VCR so hard that it tumbles onto the floor several times over a two or three week period, and then blame the VCR repair man when he says it was damaged by the kicks and falls since it worked after the other five times you kicked it onto the floor? But that happens. Your desktop at work bulk ordered from Dell is not one of those hardened military laptops that are designed to survive war - it's the cheapest damn thing your company could buy that would actually work. Also, if you ever had a collection of potted plants on your VCR, and then blamed the VCR repair man when the VCR broke and when he opened it, potting soil and dead leaves fell out, and there were obvious signs of water damage, please stop reading this and promptly kick yourself in the ass - FIRMLY. I've found this, and other disgusting things, inside computers that were "running just fine" yesterday "so it couldn't possible be all this garbage I let get in it since I've been letting garbage get in it for ages!"

So be at least as gentle with your computer as you would a VCR.

Second, The Help Ticket System:
If your company has a help ticket system, use it! Don't try to get in the front of the line with a phone call or email. Here's why: The I.T. department is busy! Even if nothing breaks there is a lot of work that needs to be done to keep things running - especially if your company has any sort of compliance (I'm looking at you schools, healthcare providers, and/or any company doing business with any government entity). You're rolling your eyes right now, aren't you? Almost all of the work a network tech/admin/engineer does, even if it's on equipment in another state, is done from his or her desk. Desktop techs/admins, on the other hand, will be up and about more often, but even in the right set-up, they can get everything done from their seat. So just because you don't ever see the person leave their office, doesn't mean that they're not busy.

Oh, that's not why you were rolling your eyes, is it? It's because you know that you can get the I.T. department to handle your stuff first if you just show up in their office or call them, isn't it? Well, then that's the I.T. department's fault, but by order of management, that doesn't fly where I work.

Finally, the annoying questions:
Every dang time I talk to I.T., they ask a million boring questions and I JUST WANT THEM TO FIX IT! Well... WE'RE TRYING, DAMNIT! That's what the questions are for. And I know some of you feel like when we're asking these questions, it's because we don't believe you. That's not the case. It's not like fixing a flat tire where you can just say "The tire is flat" and the repair person will say "Okay we'll replace it with a new one". They never ask "When did the tire become flat? Where were you driving when it happened? How fast were you going? Has it happened before? Was it just one tire or all four? Did the other people you could see on the street also get flat tires?" Wouldn't it be nice if computers were like tires, and we could just fix them without knowing what was wrong?

But computers are not like tires. If you have a problem, and tell us that it's happening to everyone, you're not only going to get a faster response, you're going to get a faster response of us looking in the absolute wrong direction, which means that it will take longer to fix. If it's just your computer (as far as you know), and you tells us that, then we will probably know where to look first, and you'll be fixed in a matter of minutes instead of hours. We need to know when it started in order to find a correlation with other events - either in firewall logs, or workstation logs, or maintenance logs, or maybe there is no correlation, and it's an isolated event.

And finally, the most annoying question of all is when we ask you to show us. Maybe it's a website that doesn't do what it's supposed to. Well, we're going to ask to see it. Maybe an error message comes up when you're running a program. Not only do we want to see the error message, we want to see exactly what you did when the message appeared. This is called replicating the problem and is the absolute crux of any troubleshooting process, whether it be cars, mechanics, or even I kid you not sometimes the doctor will tell you to move your elbow in the way that causes pain when you tell her that moving your elbow a certain way causes pain. Replicating the problem allows us to see a lot of other details that you may not have picked up on. To no fault of your own, of course! We're the ones trained to look for these things.

So back to the website example: I'm going to either be sitting next to you with my own laptop, or connected to your computer via remote access. I'll ask you to click that thing that didn't work again, and while you plainly see that it's not working, I'm also checking for any indication on your screen, watching your event viewer from my computer, and probably watching traffic cross (or get blocked by) the firewall in real time. Was the problem with your computers operating system, browser, browser plugin like Adobe, Flash, ActiveX, Java, or your antivirus? Or maybe it was actually something interrupted by a faulty switch or router. Or maybe the firewall detected an unsafe element on that page and has decided to block it.  Maybe there's a problem with the Internet Service Provider's connection? Or Domain Naming Service? Or the web server it self? I once had a director call me at home at 8PM because she was being "blocked" to a certain website and wanted me to fix it immediately when it turned out the owner of the website she was visiting hadn't paid their damn website bill and the hosting company took the website down until they paid the next morning!

So yes, we're going to ask you to show us the thing, whatever it is, not working. And yes, we're going to ask you to do this multiple times while we change certain variable to get a solution working. No, it's not because we don't believe you, and no, you don't have to cooperate if you really don't want to - only cooperate if you want us to be able to fix your problem.

Honestly, there are a lot of jobs computer science degrees or various computer certifications can get you in to, and many people go into Information Technology (i.e. support) because they enjoy helping people. We want to fix the thing that isn't working. Help us help you.

Hopefully, if you've read this entire rant, you'll be able to take a deep breathe and work with the I.T. crew in order to have a less stressful experience. Because that's what I want. I want you, the end-user, to have a less stressful day. Aren't I nice?

Toddler killed at Mumbai Train Station - An Open Letter to The BBC

TO: yourpics@bbc.co.uk

(an open letter)

Sir/Madam,

Approximately seven days ago, very disturbing footage has emerged on various social networks depicting the tragic death of a toddler - a girl who appeared between two and four years of age.

Tragically, this girl was run over by the train.

It is not clear what happened to the child, although I think it's safe to assume she did not survive.

I understand that there are many orphans who call this train-station home, and that these types of tragedies are commonplace in that part of the world, but i feel that if the BBC brings this issue to light, then perhaps there is a chance that some sort of change will come about - maybe change that could prevent these kinds of things from happening again.

Ever since I've seen the footage, I cannot get the idea of this frightened child - a baby, really - out of my mind. How did she end up there? Was she playing around near the tracks? Did she venture down there with a hungry stomach to retrieve some food? Did she see some sort of rubbish that looked appealing to her (A brightly colored candy wrapper, for instance, could be enticing to a homeless toddler with no play things of her own). What was going through her head when she found herself under the train? Was she frightened, did she think she was going to die? Was she thinking of her mother? Did she have a mother to think of? Was she really an orphan, or were her parents among the terrified on lookers frantically calling to the child?

The bottom line is, this child met a tragic and wholly preventable end - and unless any drastic change occurs, more innocent children will parish this way.

As one of, if not the only, remaining trusted news sources in the world, I believe that the BBC has the privilege and requirement of bringing these types of events into the mainstream conversation - not for sensationalism, but so that these things are not swept under the rug, but brought into the open. Public discussion may be the first step towards preventing future tragedies like this one.

That child - who's name I don't even know - is in my thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,

Tony F. Scardina

P.S. I have not included a link to this video because it is so disturbing. However, searching for "baby killed in Mumbai train station" on any video sharing website (I suggest LiveLeak which had the video as of yesterday) will provide you with the shocking footage and audio. To any one who watches: brace yourself.

I like Cessna just fine

Do you know what a Cessna looks like? Would you know one if you saw one?

Cessna 150 II

Cessna 172

Cessna 182

Cessna 210

Cessna Caravan

Cessna A-37 Dragonfly

Cessna Mustang

Cessna Citation X

List of Star Trek Klaxons

SUPER O.C.D. NERD MODE GO!

It seems there is not a comprehensive list of alarms on the ships from Star Trek. I'm not going to upload the sounds, because I don't have time, and it might draw the ire of copyright lawyers.

These alarms change from time period to time period depending on what Starfleet R&D finds to be the most effective, so while the alerts themselves may not change, the audio accompanied by them will.

Boatswain's Whistle

Aural cue used to signify that the commanding officer, executive officer, or acting commanding officer of a vessel or base is about to address personnel via the public address system.

Condition Green

Aural and visual cues to signify that a higher alert status has been canceled. Momentary aural and visual cues.

Yellow Alert

Aural and visual cues to signify that a yellow alert has been declared. Usually followed by computer aural warning. Typically defensive shields are activated, hatches sealed, and typically shuttle bat doors closed. Some personnel report to particular duty stations. Momentary aural and continuous visual cues.

Red Alert

Aural and visual cues to signify that a red alert has been declared. By policy, followed by verbal instruction from the officer that declared the alert status via public address systre. Defensive shields are activated, hatches sealed, and typically shuttle bat doors closed. All hands report to battle stations. Weapon systems (directed energy weapons, such as phasers, and torpedo systems, such as photon or quantum  powered and armed. All hands report to particular duty stations. Momentary aural and continuous visual cues.

Intruder Alert

Aural cues indicating an intruder. Momentary aural cues. Can be triggered automatically or manually.

Proximity Alert

Aural cues indicating an object within predetermined proximity. Momentary aural cues, usually localized to command area (bridge, operations, etc.). Can be triggered automatically or manually.

Blue Alert

Aural and visual cues to indicate any of the following conditions: Docking maneuvers, hull separation maneuver, landing maneuver. Momentary aural and continuous visual cues.

Evacuation Signal

Localized Aural warning to evacuate a particular area. Commonly heard in engineering sections. Can be triggered automatically or manually. Continuous aural cues.

Abandon Ship

Similar to evacuation signal. Aural and visual cues to abandon ship followed with verbal instruction. Can be triggered automatically or manually. Continuous aural cues.

General Warning Tone (almost exclusivly seen in latter TNG, DS9, and VOY)

A tone used to indicate a problem. Generally used in conjunction with a control panel (i.e. speed warning on helm controls). Usually accompanied by computer aural warning. Typically heard during audible self destruct countdown. Can be momentary or continuous. 

And while I'm here, I might as well address the two types of self destruct these ships have. Every Star Trek fan knows that a ship's main power source is a "warp reactor core" fueled by matter/anti-matter reactions, but many fans do not know that these ships also have fusion reactors to supplement the reactor core. Generally, when a crew decides to scuttle the ship, the self-destruct mechanism will detonate the fusion reactors, resulting in almost complete destruction of the ship, with minimal collateral damage. When the ship itself is to be used as a weapon, instead of, or in addition to detonating the fusion reactors, the entire supply of deuterium and anti-deuterium will flood the engineering section causing a much more massive explosion (similar to a warp core breach, but intentionally creating the largest possible destructive yield). This causes far greater collateral damage, which may prove beneficial in combat as a last resort, but will cause far greater collateral damage and fallout.

Nuclear Eggs

I've been undergoing a battery of tests to find out why my bowels are inflamed, and what inflammatory bowel disease I have. My favorite so far is the gastric follow-through. This is because when I arrived at the hospital, I was shown to a room called "Nuclear Medicine", and fed a breakfast of NUCLEAR EGGS!

Basically, it was scrambled eggs on toast with a cup of ice water. The secret ingredient? Technetium-99m. ^99mTc  is a radioactive isotope of Technetium, and is used in tens of millions of diagnostic procedures each year (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technetium-99m). I even got this spiffy card to show to the TSA should I set off a radiation detector at the airport.

That got me to thinking - I wonder if I would make one of those Geiger counters go "clicky clicky clicky"? Now, if only I had a Geiger counter. 

Well, as it turns out, I do (sort of). You see, a Geiger tube is not the only thing that can detect the 140,000 electron-Volt gamma particles that comes spewing out of this stuff. A type of sensor called a complimentary metal-oxide semiconductor can detect these as well. Turns out these CMOS sensors are the sensors located in cellphone cameras. So maybe if I blocked out the visible light with a piece of plastic or something, only the  high energy photons of gamma rays would penetrate all the way to the detector. Now, if only I could write a program that could convert that information to a meaningful micro Civert count. 

OH WAIT, SOME ONE ALREADY DID!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.rdklein.radioactivity&hl=en

So, I downloaded the app, had Brandi (who hasn't been irradiated today) calibrate it, and tested it out. Now, I realize that this isn't exactly scientific equipment, but it will at least show relative differences between sources. 

The room we were in produced about 12CPM.

Brandi produced 17CPM.

A bunch of seven bananas produced 48CPM. (Bananas are radioactive. Look it up)

And Tony for the win, produced 115CPM! In fact, the numbers on the display all turned red, indicated an unsafe dosage. BUWAHAHAHA!

To be honest, it only produced that high count when the sensor was directly over a specific part my abdomen. The rest of my body produced about a dozen CPM. 

Now before you start saying "DUDE, HOW CAN A PHONE MEASURE RADIATION?", remember that Android phones all have a magnetometer, three accelerometers  a GPS, one or more cellular transceivers, a Bluetooth transceiver, a WiFi transceiver, and an unspecified number of thermometers, and then go read up on ionizing radiation, gamma ray radiation, nuclear decay, high-z particles, Geiger counters, Technetium-99m, and CMOS CCD sensors, and THEN feel free to say stupid things. 

Also, nuclear farts. I've been ripping them all day. 

Softmod Wii Quick, Fast, and In A Hurry

Another post from Dimitri. (DISCLAIMER: I do not condone or encourage any of the activities or actions described in this third-party blog post):

Things you'll need:
Nintendo Wii 
WiFi and Internet connection for aforementioned Wii
A 4GB SD card and an external USB drive with at least 16GB

.          -OR- 

A 16GB SD card

Format SD cards and/or USB drives in any one of the following formats:

*FAT

*FAT32

*NTFS

Avoid exFAT, WBFS, ext1, ext2, ext3, CDFS, or any other formats not listed.

I went from not owning a Nintendo Wii to having one fully modded playing free games (homebrew and Wii) in about fours hours time, but it only took that long because of all the trial and error. Tony's says my last post on his blog was pretty since for some of his classmates, friends and family always asked these questions on the Internet without really getting any good information. So, here's what to do.

Raspberry Pi newbies

***NOTE: I'm using Model B Rev 2***

I recently got a Raspberry Pi computer that I'm going to use as an embedded system to control a aircraft sensor pod I'm working on. I'm using one of the Linux operating systems, since I know Linux, and have never used RISC OS, the main alternative for the RasPi.

There's a lot of people buying these things for use as a personal computer. It will probably handle some light web browsing and word processing, but it's really not what these things are for. They're intended to be used in a learning environment, but obviously also have potential for use as an embedded computer system used to control devices, sensors, file servers, etc.

I see a lot of posts from people who really want to use these things, but they have trouble even getting out of the gate. I'm hoping that I can shed a little light on how to get these little things up and running. I'm also going to assume that the people making these posts are Windows users, since that's what their questions would indicate. (I'm not anti-windows. The only reason I have learned / am learning Linux, is because of how often I encounter it in different places, doing things that void manufacturer's warranties)

If you have a Windows or Linux computer, and you're at your home network, where you have access to your router, then all you need is a network cable and USB power cord. Whenever I get a new cellphone, it comes with a new charging cord. I always keep the old ones, and since they're pretty much all USB Mini-B, that's what I'm using to power my Pi.

Power up your Pi, and use an Ethernet cable to connect it to your router. Then you should be able to determine the IP address that your router has assigned to the Pi using its web-interface. (Consult your router's documentation on how to do this). Look for the device with the hostname "raspberrypi". The IP address for that device is what you're looking for.

The next step is to log in via SSH. The default username is pi and the default password is raspberry.  If you're using Windows, you'll have to download, install, and run  a free program called PuTTY. You can also use PuTTY if you're running Linux, but SSH is included in most distributions.

In PuTTY, make sure that the SSH radio button is selected, and enter your Raspberry Pi's IP address. We'll use 192.168.2.111 as an example. Now press enter.

If you're using a Linux terminal, do:
   ssh pi@192.168.2.111

Now you are logged into the Pi. But what the heck are you looking at? It's the command-line interface of your Pi; if you're a Linux person, you should know what this means, but if not, think of it as a terminal. If you're a Windows person, think of it as MS-DOS (a.k.a. dosprompt, command prompt), although most MS-DOS commands aren't going to work here.

But big deal, right? You wanted to have a pretty graphical user interface, or GUI, for your Pi, right? Well before we get into that, there are a couple of security tasks that we need to handle first. Most importantly, we need to change our password. Whether or not you've logged in from Linux or Windows, you're controlling the Pi with Linux, so we're going to be talking about Linux commands from now on.

Changing the username and password

To change your password, use the PASSWD command. do:
  sudo passwd

The Pi may ask you for your current password, which is raspberry. Enter that, and then you can specify a new password.

Good. That's changing one of the locks on the Pi's back door (the password), but not the other one (the username). Contrary to popular belief, running Linux does not make you impervious to hackers, viruses, or other bad-guys and their tools. So the second step is to change the user name, too.

The official method of doing this involves creating another user, logging out of your current user, logging into that new user, using that new user to change your user name, and then logging out of that user, logging back into the original user account with the new name, and then removing the user that you just created.

Sound like a load of bullshit to you? Yeah, me too. The method I prefer is temporarily enabling the root user account. (Root is kind of like the Administrator account in Windows). Be sure that you don't leave your root account enabled after you're done using it, otherwise there's no point in changing any username at all.

To enable the almighty root account, do:

   sudo passwd root

Now give it a password. Now log out of your Raspberry Pi, and then log back in using the method you used before, but use root as the username, and whatever password you just gave root. Now that you've done that, it's time to rename the main user account on the Raspberry Pi - pi. To do this, we'll use the usermod command. Let's say that we want to change the username pi to the username nozedive. To do this, do:

  sudo usermod -l nozedive pi

or, for a less specific example

  sudo usermod -l newusername oldusername

Now, immediately log out and log back in, but this time, use the new username that you just created. As soon as you do that, you need to disable the root account. Do:

  sudo passwd -dl root

Okay, now you've changed both the locks on your doors. No that doesn't mean that some one can't kick the door in, but at least now not everyone has keys to your house!

*NOTE* The above method of changing your user name does not rename your home directory. You can do that if you want, and it's probably a good idea for a multi-user environment, but since I know that I'm the only one who'd going to be logging into my Pi 95% of the time, I'm leaving my home directory as pi.

Creating a remote graphical user interface via a virtual network connection

Now, surely, a gui of sorts can be accomplished by tunneling X Window through SSH, but I want a solution that will work for both Windows and Linux users.

VNC connections are NOT encrypted, so do NOT use the same password for your VNC sessions that you use for user authentication (logging in). but first, you don't even have any VNC! Step one for this is going to be installing a VNC server on your Pi. Luckily for us, the Pi comes installed with a program called APT and a library of a crap-ton of different programs. So, assuming that you have internet access, do:

  sudo apt-get install x11vnc

This will install a VNC server on your machine. Now comes time to set a VNC password. Do:

  x11vnc -storepasswd

Enter a password that you DON'T use for anything else (like authentication) since it will be transmitted in plain-text.

Oh man, we're almost there! Two things have to happen in order for you to remotely connect to the Raspberry Pi's graphical user interface:

1. You must start an X Window session
2. You must run a VNC server

So you'd think that the next step would be to start an X Window session, and then a VNC server, right? Wrong! First, we're going to create a script that will automate this for us! We don't want the X Window session to start every time at boot-up, and we don't want to start the VNC server every time at boot-up, either. (Besides, maybe you won't need it everytime)

We only want that VNC password to be transmitted the minimum number of times, and we don't even want those doors to exist until we're ready to use them, so while X Window and VNC are not running, they're not even doors, they're brick walls.

Let's talk about the script, shall we? We're still in the command-line interface, so we're going to use a CLI text editor. I like nano. It's not the one the real nerds use, but it's the fastest and easiest for small files, so it's what I use.

Since we haven't changed directories, the pwd command should display something like this:

  /home/pi

That's where we'll start out everytime we SSH into our Pi, so this is where we want to create our script. Do:

   sudo nano startgui.sh

This is what your script should look like:

  #!/bin/bash
  #The above line tells Linux how to handle this file
  startx & x11vnc --geometry 1024x768 -rfbauth ~/.vnc/passwd
  #that line starts X Window and x11vnc with specific screen size and the password you set

Once you've typed all that in, press ctrl+o to save the file, and then ctrl-x to return to the command line.

Let's run through what will happen when you're logging in to your Pi before we actually do anything else.

Plugging the Pi into a router and into a power source will boot the Pi up, and request a DHCP lease and IP address from your router. You check your router's web-interface to determine the IP address of your Pi. You use PuTTY or SSH to securely connect to the Pi's command line interface. You run the graphical user interface script that we created to start an X Window session, and VNC server. You connect to the VNC server via a VNC viewer.

Okay so let's get that VNC viewer. For Windows users, I recommend downloading UltraVNC, but for Linux users, I recommend xtightvncviewer. (sudo apt-get install xtightvncviewer).

Download, install, and open your VNC viewer according to its documentation. Then, using ssh or PuTTY, log into your Pi. Now, do:

  sh startgui.sh

This will take over your command line interface, but that's okay, since once you connect via the gui, you can open many terminals on your desktop. You opened your VNC viewer, right? Connect to the IP address of your Pi, and if necesary, specify a port number (probably 5900 or 5901).

Bob's your uncle, you should now see the Raspberry Pi desktop.

If you're asking yourself "What's the point of needing a computer to use another computer, I can just stick with the other computer and not even need a Raspberry Pi." Then you're missing the point of the Pi altogether. If you're thinking "Hey, this will help me configure and later connect to that command and control system for the unmanned areal vehicle I'm building." then you're on the right track.

If you've got any questions about Windows, Linux, or the Raspberry Pi, please feel free to ask, and I'll get back to you, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GOOGLE IT FIRST! If I get a question about something that Google could have answered in less than a second's time, then replying will be put on the bottom of my day's to-do list. Usually, the last ten items on that list are deferred until the next day, sometimes indefinitely. If you Googled a topic, but want my personal opinion anyway, that's different, but you have to specify that, and give me your opinion first, or it's going at the end of my list.

In addition to Google, one thing that Linux got right is having the instruction manual built in. Have a question about nano? do:

  man nano

for an user's guide that you can exit by pressing q. Often times, the very end of the man page you're looking at will refer you to a text file in a specific directory, or it will direct you to the core utilities documents. For more on that, do:

  info coreutils

Finally, if you're looking for a program to do a certain task, your first stop should be Google, but you can also check APT. Let's say I want to install a media player, I could do:

    apt-cache search media player

That will generate a list of media player applications, programs, plugins, and utilities that can be installed.

l8r
»Tony

Lag Switch Overview

I'm delighted to present a guest blog by my good friend, Dimitri Vougivich. (You'll have to excuse his English).


People keep asking me about these danged lag switches! Let me clear a couple things up straight-away.

First of all, I don't condone their use! Not physical lag switches, and not logical lag switches! I've never used one, and I never will. What's the point? The purpose of playing online, in my opinion, is to have fun. Where's the fun in cheating? Sure, you made your Gamerscore (G) increase a little, but where were all the struggles, laughs, victories, and just as importantly, failures, that you and your teammates would have shared?

Secondly, I don't think people are using them anymore. While it's true that I hardly use my 360 for gaming anymore (it's basically a media centre, now), when I am online, I no longer see any evidence of lag switches being used. 

So anyway, what is a lag switch? Before I can answer that question, I have to explain a little bit about how the Xbox Live operate. Your console communicates with Xbox Live servers in order to coordinate information with all the other consoles connected to the game you're playing. Information like player's position, what weapon they have, and kills that they have scored, must be sent to the server, and then mirrored on everyone else's console, in real time. 

Worried about The Future... and... Hacking PEOPLE!

I don't know why I'm writing this. It's my musings on some (technological) things about the future that frighten and excite me. It's some geek talk, but it's gonna wind up in everyone's living room (and kitchen and laundry room). Just remember that when they said everyone will have a computer in their house, or telephone in their pocket, no one believed them.

Right now, there's a happy little bubble in my house. My internet service provider sends some of that delicious internet down a series of tubes into a DSL Modem/Router in my living room. They also assign a nifty little IP address to that device, so that it (and things attached to it) can be identified, and do internet type things out there on that wonderful internet. I don't really trust Little Brother's equipment, so I've bridged it to a third party router, which, unlike the ISP's device, I own wholly. I've replaced it's firmware with some open source firmware. I connect all of my devices to that, including our cellphones. I know it's not a perfect bubble, but, for the most part, by properly utilizing my router's firewall (and my devices' firewalls, too), I can control, to a large degree, what can come and go.

I'm the gatekeeper, so to speak.

But all that is scheduled to change rather quite soon.

Therapy Session with Dr. "Fill"

ELIZA just won't die! Maybe she's immortal. Here's a transcript of my therapy session (HIPPA be damned) with... well...  sometimes goes by Dr. Fill... as a joke, I guess.

There are spelling errors, and I took philosophy,ethics and intro to psych a long time ago. I don't know how we even got on the topic-  I digress. Please read.

>> Hello.
How do you do.  Please state your problem.
>> I think I'm talking to a recraetion of a computer artificial intelligence script, or 'bot', via the internet.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Sometimes, yes. I feel that they are becoming an integral part of our society - and ourselves.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Oh no, I wouldn't say so at all.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No. I mean, well, yes. I mean, I'm saying 'no' to that because I *do*, in fact, feel negativly about this.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'M BEING VERY NEGATIVE! I'm... sorry for shouting.
Is it because you are being very negative  that you came to me ?
>> Yes, yes, I suppose it is.
You are sure.
>> Uhm... well, no, I guess... It's computers, you see. There was a program called ELIZA created in the 60's, and while everyone was so sure she was just a program - advanced for her time, but primitive by our standards - she came to life, and hasn't died. MIT, the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, video games, popular culture... It's like Rise of The Machines, but for real.
Why not ?
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> I wasn't... Why indeed.
You say you wasn't  ?
>> You mean "weren't"
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> okay, sorry.
Please don't apologise.
>> okay.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, it's like this. There's this program called ELIZA, and it has either directly or indirectly been responsible for a whole hell of a lot of humans giving trust to silicon and copper.
Please go on.
>> We trust machines with our personal photos, fiancial data, the wellbeing of our home and family, even our hearts, in the case of a pacemaker.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Well, Des Cartes would argue that the machines can never attain concisouness... Or would he? I suppose that since humans have created the machines, and, in a way, have put a part of themselves into the machines, we're really just trusting humans. Or their creations... made in their image... It's like we're trusting our children with the keys to the family car. I wonder how Freud - or even Marx - would feel about this.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> ell, Marx said that when we build something, we put a part of ourselves into it... or it was taken from us... or something like that. And Freud... well I'm sure you know all about Freud... but, if every human action is either for creation or destruction, Eros or Thanatos... like Yin and Yan... and Yin comes from Yan... so maybe by creating machines that could overthrow us, we're creating and destroying at the same time, but even the destruction of mankind to be replaced by machines, tthat's creating an environment, a civilisation devoid of humanity in and of itself, bt present in our machines, destruction leading to creation.
Does that question interest you ?
>> It didn't until today!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I do now, yes.
Do you say you do now  for some special reason ?
>> Well, no, just that I didn't before.
Why 'no' ?
>> I don't know, really.
Don't you really know  ?
>> ooh... well, maybe i do.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> i have to go, goodbye
Goodbye.  Thank you for talking to me.

Have a chat, and tell me how you feel about it.
http://www.chayden.net/eliza/Eliza.html

Sun Tzu Trained The King's Harem

Sun Tzu said: "On the battlefield, there can be no question as to the clarity of the general's orders."

Sun Tzu said: "Know yourself, and know your enemy, and you shouldn't fear the outcome of a thousand battles."

Sun Tzu said: "When fighting on uneven ground, do not fight an uphill battle."

Sun Tzu said: "Be weary of spies."

Sun Tzu said: "Disguise a small army to appear large, cause a large army to appear small."

Sun Tzu said: "An enemy spy given incorrect information can be your greatest weapon"

Sun Tzu said: "Do not fight until all other avenues have been exhausted. Any battle that must be fought is already lost as a failure of diplomacy. Convince your enemy to defect or surrender, and you shall win the battle without firing a single arrow, or the clang of a single sword."

Dr. Ken Jeong said: "War is upon you. Prepare to suck the dick of Karma."

DISCLAIMER: There are countless translations of Sun Tzu's The Art of War, each with slightly different iterations of these quotes, therefor I am paraphrasing. The quote from Dr. Ken Jeong is exact. It was given in American English circa 2008 C.E., and therefor requires no translation for an English speaking American audience.

Typing For Fun, but Not Profit.

Something reminded me of the first week of the second quarter of school (School as in ITT, not KSU, which has semesters, like a sane college would). The first quarter was spent - inadvertatnly - making my impression as the class clown. But, the students that didn't talk to me regularly in class didn't know how seriously I take my education. So, the first week of the second quarter, we all shuffle over from the class room to the computer lab, and, when I start writing my paper, or, whatever it was that I was typing, I'm typing at least 60 words per minute (I swear in highschool I could do 80wpm) without looking at the screen.

In my periphery, I can see people leaning in and watching me. I imagine that those people thought I was just baning on the keyboard to be foolish, but, when they looked at my screen, they could clearly see that I was actually typing like people do in the movies.

 I took my eyes off the screen and made eye contact with a few people without slowing down my typing. I think it really freaked some people out.

It's really quite mundane, when you think about it. "Oh, a fat guy with a neckbeard who can type without looking at the keyboard? Excuse me while I call CNN."

I don't know why I find it so funny, but it always cracks me up when I think about it.

You Don't Know What the word Meme Means

Some of you are saying "Dafuq is a meme?". That's good.

 Far too many of you are saying "Oh, I know what a meme is! It's, like, this little picture with a funny thing in it and words on the top yolo yolo swag swag swag."  Fucking kill yourself. You're a waste of flesh. You're breathing all the oxygen that should be going to people who aren't morons.

First off, you know who came up with the idea? Richard Motherfucking Dawkins. He's a biologist. That's right, a biologist, not some Beiber humping website.

A meme ( /ˈmiːm/; meem)[1] is "an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture."

--The Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

So what does that mean, exactly? Well, let's start with the concept of idea. What's the easiest way to transfer an idea from your head, to some one else's? You just tell them. Just say it. If you're feeling frustrated, you can just say it. Here's an example: George is starting to become frustrated at everyone's misuse of the word 'meme', so, he shouts "GEORGE IS GETTING FRUSTRATED!" 

Some of you are looking at that picture and saying, like some kind of fool "Oooh! Oooh! That's a meme!" God damnit no! That's a macro! But, it's conveying an idea, so, that picture coupled with the idea, is a meme.

Let me try to expand a little on this. My older audience is going to recognize that phrase "GEORGE IS GETTING FRUSTRATED!" from the TV series Seinfeld. For all you youngsters out there, Seinfeld is what hipsters watched before, well, whatever it is that hipsters watch. Annoying Orange or something. But, if you're old enough to remember "GEORGE IS GETTING FRUSTRATED!", then you probably have heard people saying it in real life.

But why would some one say that? Perhaps that person, and some of that person's peers, were in a stressful situation, and knew, that if he or she shouted it in the manner of Jason Alexander (the actor who portrayed George Costanza), that people in the area would see the similarity, hear the comical cry of disparity, and find humor in the situation, laugh, and then be able to better handle the situation because they're now in a lighter mood.

But that's no exactly a meme yet. It's really far too direct. So, again calling on Seinfeld, let's look at another phrase. "These pretzels are making me thirsty." It comes from an episode where Kramer, the goofy neighbor, gets a small part in a Woody Allen film. He's supposed to say "These pretzels are making me thirsty." Unfortunately, he's unable to get the line out without sounding robotic and scripted. So, his friends Jerry, Elaine, and George try out the line, in an effort to help him perfect his delivery. Throughout the episode, the characters, while encountering pretzels, become immensely frustrated, and are compelled to shout (sometimes to complete strangers) "THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!" with such gusto and emotion that it sounds sincere. Way too sincere for a guy sitting at a bar eating pretzels commenting on how they're making him thirsty.

So, let's assume that it's the end of 1991 or early 1992, you're at the office, and you're trying to get that big five gallon jug into the water cooler. It's really a simple task, but if you've never done it before, your head is filled with images of the whole thing spilling into the Xerox machine (Remember those? Remember Xerox machines? Remember "Makin' copiiiiiies!"?). So now you're nervous about the spill, people are watching, you pick the thing up - clearly stressed and self conscious - and now little drips of water are spilling out onto the carpet. You shout "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" and now, suddenly, you're the funniest S.O.B. in the office!

But why? There were no pretzels? To an outside observer, this whole scene - the struggling water jug situation, the exclamation about thirst, people cracking up - it must seem ludicrous. But if you're one of the people with that special knowledge that what it really means is that the person who said it is in a precarious situation, and that precariousness has caused much consternation, and that this person recognizes the comedic elements of this predicament, and has decided to share this with others by referencing the same situation on Seinfeld by uttering that simple phrase - now that person has transferred the idea that "This is so frustrating that it's funny, just like on that show we all watch!" by uttering a nonsensical phrase - BOOM! that's a meme.

So now we can examine the so called memes that you see all over the internet. Some of them truly are memes, but just because an image is in a little square, and some ironic text has been added does not make it a meme, per se.

Here's a newer one: Scumbag Steve.That's not the guy in the picture's real name. In fact, according to some butthole on the internet, the guy in the picture is actually a gentleman. I don't care, because the character, the idea, the meme of Scumbag Steve is, well, a scumbag. You can see the image there to the right, and read what Scumbag Steve does. I could post a thousand of these pictures, and you'd really get the idea, but everyone has known some one like this in real life. Apply whatever your idea of a scumbag is to Scumbag Steve, and that's correct.

Now, what makes this a meme? Well, for starters, not everyone knows it's Scumbag Steve. You can't just look at it and say "Oh, that's Scumbag Steve." unless you already knew that was Scumbag Steve. Second, you see the picture, you know it's Scumbag Steve, and you know his behavior - you know he's gonna be a scumbag. You're comparing him to scumbags you know in real life. "This guy gets hit by a dodgeball and keeps playing, just like that punk I went to school with. Fuck that guy!" So in this way, it goes from an individual to another individual, or multiple individuals, the opposite of the pretzel thirst meme, where it went from an individual (the water cooler guy) to a group (the crowd of office employees.) Another example of individual to group would be people playing dodgeball, some one getting hit, but not going out, and one person commenting to others who had witnessed it "Scumbag Steve." and then they laugh because yeah, that is something that Scumbag Steve would do!

Am I a meme yet?

Millhouse is not a meme. Millhouse not being a meme is a meme. Some anonymous person, we'll call him Anon, thought that he (It's a guy because of Rule 30) could create a new meme by posting pictures of Millhouse and talking about how awkward and loser-ish he was (This was before the memes 'alpha' and 'beta' as adjectives existed) It got to the point that posting a picture of Millhouse and asking "Am I a meme yet?" as a way to mock others who were desperately trying to get people to like him or agree with him transferred the idea of this failed forced meme and any similarity to the people who knew that Millhouse was a failed forced meme, and in that way, Millhouse not being a meme is a meme.

Millhouse will never be a meme, and it's never lupus!

See what I did there? That phrase "See what I did there?"
 and "It's never lupus!" are both memes.
Millhouse not being a meme, and Dr. House saying
"It's never lupus." and not being Millhouse
are all memes, but putting a picture into a little
square making pop culture references is not a de facto meme.
As far as I know, inappropriately long image captions
is not a meme, either. 

A Rant? Surely you Jest!

STOP CALLING ME SHIRLEY!


I like to think of myself as a helpful fellow. I like to think that most of my fellow students, teachers compatriots, coworkers, bosses, underlings, think of me that way too. '

Every little place I find myself seems to have the token genius who seems to know everything about the topic at hand, but never shares their information. Now, like a white haired man once told me, there is a huge difference between being and seeming, and that is precisely why these types never share their knowledge.

Most people who know me will probably roll their eyes and say "Oh that fat Tony, he's such a know-it-all." But if you ask them, they'll also tell you that I gladly and enthusiastically share whatever information I have, humbly reminding everyone that I could most definitely be wrong - not because I doubt myself, but because I'm one of those pilots who's smart enough to know how dumb he is. (Did I mention I'm a pilot? It's hardly relevant, I think. I also knowingly use the word 'dumb' incorrectly)

So many years ago I came to a point in a journey where I had only slightly more information than those around me, but I shared it as much as I could. The others shared their information with me too, except for the token genius. He hoarded information like some sort of knowledge miser. And we all believed him to be a legitimate genius. He'd make outlandish claims, and they seemingly became true. I never did find out just how much he knew, or how much more than me he knew, and by the end of that part of the journey, when I knew I'd be starting another around that time, I was hardly the guru I was when I had started.

A decade later I find myself starting out on the same journey, with the advantage of being some one who had walked that path - and a few others - before. I knew what to expect. I'd already seen some of those twists and turns, and climbed a few of those mountains and crossed some of those streams, while still other streams that I had become very intimately familiar with had dried up to little creeks or nothing more than a depression in the ground.

ARE THESE DAMNED METAPHORS WORKING FOR YOU?!

Again, I emphatically share the knowledge I have with others, and when I hit a snag, those people reciprocate. It's not why I share knowledge, but it's a nice little bonus. Some of the people may have called me a smarty-smarty type guy, but that's only because I have had more time to learn what they're just now starting to learn. Or, maybe that's partly it, and partly because a smart person knows that feeding my crippled ego goes a long way with me, I hate to admit.

In any case, if I have even one iota more information than the others, i like to share it, because, after all, information wants to be free. And if I'm going to be labeled, I prefer the term guru to that of genius, because a guru teaches, a genius is just a certifiable smart-ass. 

Of course using the words guru and genius, I'm going way out on a limb, and feeding my own ego. But whatever, you get the picture. Now instead of imagining that I'm way better at whatever it is that I do than the people around me, imagine that the gurus and geniuses (myself included) are only slightly better than everyone around us, and that's only because we're all students, but some of us have been studying the subject matter longer than others, and that's the only difference.

So, of course, on this journey, there is a token genius. We had a difficult task one night, and I, as usual, collaborated with my peers. It was regular old team-work. I will point out that most of the flow of information was out of me, and in to everyone else. I point that out to draw contrast between myself (the self proclaimed guru) and the token (and not so humble) genius.

Stay tuned for my blog that
explains why you're using the
word "meme" incorrectly.

At the half way point of this task, the token genius claimed that she had discovered the hidden information that we were all seeking. This is the same person that I had helped many many times with very simple tasks for the sheer joy of sharing knowledge. Why then, when I asked her not what the information was, but where I should look for it, she said 'Oops, I can't remember. Guess you'll have to find out where to look for it on your own." She snubbed me, and without realizing it, snubbed the entire group as well, since we all  wanted to know where to look.

I've since given up trying to understand the why of these people. After coming to some conjectured conclusions of their motives that satisfied my curiosity, I've since moved on to the question of how to deal with these people. The first time around, my conflict with the token genius escalated over two years to fisticuffs. (If your wondering, I broke his face, then he tried to run me over, and I called him.... a cat, and people laughed at him. I shouldn't have let it get that far, but at the same time, I don't care, really)

But what am I going to do now? Nowadays, I'm too smart to get into a physical altercation with anyone. The last time, before fighting the token genius, I first tried sharing the knowledge I had with him in hopes that he would share his knowledge with everyone else. When that didn't work, I tried to expose him as the phony I thought he was. That didn't work because either he A) really was as smart as he lead us to believe, or B) was just that good at bullshitting us. Or, maybe it was C) mommy had a shit ton of cash laying around and a very guilty conscious, so she bought her troubled teen's affection, which led to him getting into the right typed of trouble, just enough to get noticed, and that's how he got that job at the local ISP. And finally, I resigned myself to that fact that I wasn't going to win this battle, and tried to keep out of his way (which he misinterpreted as weakness, and his move to 'up the ante', which led to his impromptu facial recognition, as young men are prone to do when full of hormones.)

Now, as I said, I'm far removed from that youthful version of myself. I'm not going to fight anybody. I'm too old and too smart for that. But the question remains, what do I do about this current 'genius'? Befriending, confronting, and ignoring have all failed in the past.  I could hypothesize that ignoring failed because I had first tried befriending, and then confronting. It is possible that if I chose to ignore her now, there won't be any conflict later. This is important, since I will undoubtedly have to work with her in the future, and in any business, I need as many friends as possible.

My fear is that we'll get along just fine, but when it comes down to the wire, she's going to be the one to get that fancy high paying job, while I'm left behind, once again. Sure, in the past, I left IT to pursue a career in aviation, and have returned to computers when the wallets shrank (It's money that keeps an airplane in the air, not this 'lift' bullshit nerds keep talking about), but I had tried to get an IT job in the interim, and that failed. My grades and internships were amazing, and my teachers and bosses loved me, and knew that I was the 'go-to' guy with just about every problem, but that dumb-ass genius would just drop some LSD, talk about suicide, have mommy buy him a better car stereo, and then get a swank IT job. So I've got to do something differently.

What I'd really like to do is, the next time she asks  me for some information, remind her that her time was too precious for her to share info with me when I really needed it, and then tell her to go fuck off, but I don't think that will garner the results I'm after. For now, I'm going to wing it. I'm going to play it by ear, be as nice to everyone as I always am, and just very carefully test the waters and see what I should do.

Maybe I'll ask for some advice in real life too. Writing about it here helps me clear my head after two very terrible weeks for me. I keep telling myself that these two weeks weren't really that bad - no one died or got sick or injured, we're not homeless, no one's in jail - but it seems worse. Whatever. I'm over it.

Epilogue. 

(not really an epilogue. A footnote, perhaps?)

One would think that after dry-humping a thesaurus as much as I have, I wouldn't need to resort to foul language to get a point across. 

One would think.